Letter of Wishes and Estate Planning in Canada: What It Is and Isn’t

Important Disclosure — Scope of Advice: This article is general information about letters of wishes in estate planning and is not legal advice. A letter of wishes is not a legally binding document and does not replace a valid will. It must be coordinated with a properly drafted will and must not contradict it. How to use a letter of wishes, and what belongs in it versus in your will, depends on your situation and can only be assessed individually. Consult a lawyer or, in Quebec, a notary to prepare your will and any accompanying letter of wishes.

A will is a powerful document, but it has limits. It is a formal legal instrument, written in a certain way for a certain purpose: to direct, with legal force, how your estate is distributed and who is responsible for carrying that out. What a will does not do well — and often cannot do at all — is speak to the personal, human, and flexible matters that families often care about just as much: how you would like to be remembered, who should receive the small things that carry big meaning, why you made the choices you did, and how you hope those you leave in charge will handle the countless situations a will could never anticipate. This is where a letter of wishes comes in. It is one of the most useful and most misunderstood tools in estate planning — useful because it addresses exactly what a will cannot, and misunderstood because people often mistake it for something it is not. The single most important thing to understand about a letter of wishes is that it is not legally binding, and grasping both what that means and why it is actually the point is the key to using one well. This article explains what a letter of wishes is and isn’t, what belongs in it, why its non-binding nature is a feature rather than a flaw, and how to use one alongside a proper will.

What a Letter of Wishes Actually Is

Let’s define it clearly, because the definition already resolves most of the confusion. A letter of wishes is an informal, personal document that accompanies a will and offers guidance to the people who will administer an estate — your executor, your liquidator if you are in Quebec, or a trustee — on matters the will does not address, or does not address in detail.

Think of it as the personal companion to the formal legal document. Where the will says, in legal terms, who gets what, the letter of wishes can speak in a human voice about the things surrounding those decisions: your preferences for a funeral or memorial, how you would like personal belongings and keepsakes distributed among family, the thinking behind certain choices in your will, guidance for anyone who will be raising your children, or how you hope a trustee will use their discretion for your beneficiaries. It can also carry simple practical help — where important documents are kept, who should be notified, accounts to be aware of. The letter is typically written in plain, personal language, addressed to those who will carry out your wishes, and it can be as short or as detailed as you like. Crucially, because it is informal, it can be updated easily and often, without the formalities a will requires — you can revise it as relationships, belongings, and feelings change over the years. This flexibility is one of its great strengths. But that same informality is inseparable from its defining limitation, which we turn to next: a letter of wishes guides, but it does not command. Understanding that distinction is what allows the letter to do its real work without being asked to do work it cannot.

Why It Is Not Legally Binding — and Why That’s the Point

Here is the heart of the matter, and the thing that must be understood above all else: a letter of wishes is not legally binding. It cannot be enforced. This is not a defect to work around — it is the essential nature of the document, and it is precisely what makes it useful.

Let’s be clear about what non-binding means in practice. The will is the legally binding document; it directs, with the force of law, how your estate is distributed and who administers it. A letter of wishes sits beside the will and offers guidance — preferences, context, explanations — that your executor, liquidator, or trustee may take into account, but is generally not legally obligated to follow. If a letter of wishes and a valid will were ever to conflict, the will governs. This matters enormously for how you use the letter, and it points to one firm rule: a letter of wishes must never be used to try to do the job of a will. Anything that must be legally enforced belongs in the will, drafted properly — the actual distribution of assets, the appointment of an executor or a guardian for your children, the creation of a trust. If you try to make these things happen through a letter of wishes, they may simply not happen, because the letter carries no legal power to compel them. A letter that attempts to override or contradict the will does not strengthen your plan; it risks creating confusion and even conflict. Now, why is this non-binding nature actually a feature? Because it lets the letter do things a binding document cannot. It can address sensitive, personal, and evolving matters in a flexible way; it can be updated in an afternoon without legal formalities; it can explain and guide rather than merely dictate; and it can speak with a warmth and personal quality that a formal legal instrument cannot. The non-binding letter and the binding will are partners, each doing what the other cannot — and respecting that division of labour is the whole secret to using a letter of wishes well.

What Belongs in a Letter of Wishes

With the boundary understood, the practical question becomes: what is a letter of wishes actually good for? The answer is a set of personal and practical matters where guidance, rather than legal command, is exactly what’s needed.

Several kinds of content fit naturally. Funeral and memorial preferences are among the most common — how you would like to be remembered, any wishes about the service, and similar matters that a will is poorly suited to carry (and that may not even be read in time if left only in the will). The distribution of personal belongings and sentimental items is another natural fit: the specific keepsakes, photographs, and small treasures whose meaning is personal and whose distribution is often better guided by a flexible letter than itemized rigidly in a will. Explaining the reasoning behind decisions in your will can be quietly powerful — a few words explaining why you made a particular choice can help family understand, reduce hurt feelings, and lower the risk of disputes. Guidance for guardians is valuable where young children are involved: how you would hope they are raised, supported, and cared for, which a will’s legal appointment cannot convey. And where your will creates a trust, guidance to the trustee on how you would like discretion exercised — your hopes for how and when beneficiaries should be helped — can be genuinely useful to someone tasked with making judgment calls for years to come. Alongside these, simple practical information often belongs here too. What does not belong is anything requiring legal force: asset distribution, appointments, and trusts all live in the will. Keeping the letter to guidance, and the will to legal direction, is what makes each effective. Used this way, the letter of wishes becomes a genuinely helpful gift to the people left to carry out your intentions.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

Because a letter of wishes is informal and easy to write, it is also easy to misuse, and a few common mistakes are worth flagging so the letter helps rather than complicates.

The first and most serious pitfall is trying to make the letter do the will’s job — using it to direct asset distribution, name a guardian, or create a trust. As we’ve seen, these carry no legal force in a letter and may fail entirely; worse, they can muddy the estate by appearing to say something the will does not. The second pitfall is contradicting the will. A letter that conflicts with the will creates tension and potential conflict, and since the will governs, the contradictory wishes simply won’t take effect — but not before possibly causing confusion or hurt. Keep the letter consistent with the will, and have both reviewed together. A third pitfall is failing to keep the letter current: because it is easy to update, people sometimes write one and never revisit it, so it drifts out of step with changed belongings, relationships, and feelings; a periodic review keeps it accurate. A fourth is making it hard to find or unclear that it exists — a letter of wishes only helps if the executor or liquidator knows about it and can locate it, so it should be stored sensibly and its existence made known, often kept with (but separate from) the will. A fifth, subtler pitfall is treating the letter as a place for grievances or pressure rather than helpful guidance; its power comes from being constructive and kind, and it is far more likely to be honoured when it reads that way. None of these pitfalls is hard to avoid, and avoiding them is largely a matter of remembering what the letter is for. Because coordinating the letter with a properly drafted will is where these problems are best prevented, preparing both with a lawyer or notary is the sound approach.

A Note on Quebec and Terminology

For readers in Quebec, or with estates connected to Quebec, a brief note on how this fits the civil-law context, because while the concept of a personal guidance document is broadly similar, the surrounding framework differs.

In Quebec, the person who administers an estate is the liquidator, not an executor, and Quebec’s law of wills and succession follows the Civil Code of Québec rather than common-law rules, with its own requirements for how a valid will is made. Within that framework, the essential principle about a letter of wishes still holds: the legally binding document is the will, prepared according to Quebec’s rules, and any accompanying letter offering personal guidance is not a substitute for it and does not carry the legal force of the will itself. As in the rest of Canada, anything that must be legally effective — the distribution of the estate, the designation of a liquidator, the creation of a trust — belongs in a properly made will, while personal preferences and guidance can accompany it informally. Because the formalities of making a valid will in Quebec are specific, and because a notary plays a central role in Quebec estate planning, a Quebec resident should ensure their will is properly prepared and that any letter of wishes is coordinated with it. As always, general guidance written for a national or common-law audience may not capture Quebec’s specifics, so local advice matters. The reliable path in Quebec is to work with a notary or lawyer, who can ensure the will is valid under the Civil Code and that any personal guidance you wish to leave complements it appropriately.

How It Differs From Your Other Estate Documents

One source of confusion worth clearing up directly is how a letter of wishes relates to the other documents in an estate plan, because people often blur them together, and understanding the distinctions makes each one’s role clearer.

Start with the will, since that is the document most often confused with a letter of wishes. The will is the legally binding instrument that directs how your estate is distributed and who administers it; the letter of wishes is the non-binding companion that offers personal guidance around those decisions. The will commands; the letter advises. They work together, but only the will carries legal force. Next, consider a power of attorney or, in Quebec, a protection mandate. That document concerns decisions made while you are alive but unable to manage your own affairs — it appoints someone to act for you during incapacity, and it ceases to have effect at death, when the will and the estate representative take over. A letter of wishes, by contrast, is generally concerned with matters after death and offers guidance rather than granting authority. Then there are health-care or advance-care documents, which express your wishes about medical treatment and are a distinct instrument again, governed by their own rules and operating during life. It is easy to see why these can run together in people’s minds — they are all part of planning for the future — but each does a specific job: the will and estate documents direct what is legally enforceable after death; the incapacity documents grant authority during life; the health-care documents guide medical decisions; and the letter of wishes offers non-binding personal guidance that supports, but never replaces, the binding documents. Knowing which document does which job is genuinely useful, because it prevents the common mistake of relying on the wrong one — for instance, expecting a letter of wishes to accomplish what only a will, a power of attorney, or a health-care directive can. A complete plan uses each for its proper purpose, and a lawyer or notary can ensure they fit together without gaps or conflicts. Seen in that light, the letter of wishes has a clear and valuable place: the personal, human layer that complements the legal architecture around it.

What to Do With This

So where does this leave you? A letter of wishes is a genuinely valuable, deeply personal complement to a will — a way to guide and comfort the people who will carry out your intentions — provided it is used for what it is and never asked to be what it isn’t.

The essential foundation is a valid, properly drafted will, because that is the document that carries legal force; a letter of wishes only works well as a companion to it, never as a replacement. With that in place, a letter of wishes is worth considering for the personal matters a will handles poorly: your funeral preferences, the distribution of sentimental belongings, the reasoning behind your decisions, and guidance for guardians or trustees. Write it in your own voice, keep it consistent with your will, avoid asking it to do anything that requires legal force, store it sensibly and make sure it can be found, and revisit it as life changes. Done this way, it can spare your family uncertainty, help them understand your intentions, and ease the administration of your estate at a difficult time. Because a letter of wishes must be coordinated with your will, and because Quebec’s rules differ from the common-law provinces, the sound approach is to prepare both together with a lawyer or, in Quebec, a notary. There is something quietly generous about a well-written letter of wishes: it is a way of continuing to guide and reassure the people you love even when you are no longer there to do so in person. That, ultimately, is what makes it worth the thought.

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Important Disclosure: This article is general educational information and is not legal advice. A letter of wishes is not legally binding and does not replace a valid will; it must not contradict the will. Consult a lawyer or, in Quebec, a notary to prepare your will and any accompanying letter of wishes. Reading this article does not create a professional-client relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a letter of wishes?
An informal, personal document that accompanies a will and guides those administering an estate — an executor, a liquidator in Quebec, or a trustee — on matters the will doesn’t address in detail. It can express preferences about funeral or memorial arrangements, how personal belongings and sentimental items are distributed, guidance for those caring for children, the reasoning behind will decisions, or how a trustee should exercise discretion. Its defining feature is that it is not legally binding: unlike a will, it doesn’t direct the legal distribution of an estate and can’t be enforced; it provides guidance the estate representative is generally free to follow but not obligated to. That’s by design — its value is flexibility and a personal, human quality, not legal force. Because it must work alongside a valid will and not contradict it, prepare it thoughtfully, ideally with a lawyer or notary. General information, not legal advice.

Is a letter of wishes legally binding?
No — and understanding this is essential to using one correctly. It’s a guidance document, not a legal instrument. The will is the legally binding document directing how an estate is distributed; the letter sits alongside it, offering personal guidance the executor, liquidator, or trustee may consider but isn’t compelled to follow. This non-binding nature isn’t a weakness — it’s the point: it lets the letter address personal, flexible, sensitive matters precisely because it carries no legal force, and be updated easily. But it means a letter must never try to do a will’s job. Anything requiring legal enforcement — asset distribution, appointing an executor or guardian, creating a trust — belongs in the will, drafted properly. A letter that tries to override or contradict the will can create confusion and conflict. Prepare it alongside a properly drafted will with a lawyer or notary. General information, not legal advice.

What should a letter of wishes include?
Personal and practical matters a will can’t address well or that benefit from explanation: funeral, burial, or memorial preferences; guidance on distributing personal belongings and sentimental items not specifically dealt with in the will; the reasoning behind will decisions, which helps family understand and reduces disputes; guidance for guardians on raising or supporting children; and, where the will creates a trust, guidance to the trustee on exercising discretion. It may include practical information, like where to find documents or whom to notify. What it should NOT include is anything that must be legally binding — asset distribution, appointing an executor or guardian, or creating a trust all belong in the will. The letter complements the will; it doesn’t replace any part of it. Because the line matters and the letter must not contradict the will, prepare both with a lawyer or notary. General information, not legal advice.

Do I need a letter of wishes if I have a will?
It’s optional, not required — a valid will is the essential document, and a letter is a helpful complement rather than a necessity. Still, many find real value in one, because a will is a formal legal document focused on binding asset distribution and isn’t well suited to the personal, flexible, sensitive matters that often matter most. A letter fills that gap: funeral preferences, guiding the distribution of sentimental items, explaining reasoning, and offering personal guidance to guardians or trustees, all easy to update as circumstances change. For families with young children, a trust, or complex dynamics, it can be especially helpful. It doesn’t replace the will or carry legal force, but it can make an estate easier to administer and spare a family uncertainty and conflict. Because it should be coordinated with a properly drafted will, discuss it with a lawyer or, in Quebec, a notary. General information, not legal advice.

Related Reading

For more on planning your estate, see the guide to wills and estate basics in Canada, learn how to choose an executor, and understand how testamentary trusts work — or book a Discovery Meeting to see how the pieces fit together.